I Don't Deserve Happiness

So, I met another guy a couple of weeks ago. :) We really hit it off. We have so much in common and he's super cute, but I still feel.... uncomfortable.... I thought about it a lot today and I finally realized that since I'm so used to being heartbroken, I can't stand the feeling of being happy. I have become so comfortable with heartache that I actually believe that I don't deserve happiness. I haven't talked to this guy (let's call him T) at all today. I ignored all of his calls and texts. 

What is wrong with me?? Why can't I let myself be happy??

Please help,

xoxo Caro

I'm Back!

I didn't envision that I'd be back so soon, but it's great to be back regardless. Since I've been gone, I've been doing a lot of thinking about myself and the world and all that other good stuff. And I realized that all this time I've been trying to find the meaning of life and reasons why certain things happen, when I should have been questioning my own values, what is important to me, and why.

I have also gained a greater hatred for mankind as a whole and complete lack of faith in our society.


Now, I don't want to get all controversial, but racism in America is the issue most prevalent in my mind these days. And not just racism alone, but how it relates to our perception of beauty; perfection, if you will. I hate the fact that my idea of beauty was decided for me. It is not my fault (or neither of our faults for that matter) that I am the way that I am. We are just doing what the media wants us to do. We are its puppets, and I can't fucking stand it anymore! I have been on this earth for 16 years, and for just as long, I've succumbed to the thought that I am not perfect enough and I am not pretty enough. ever. I want to change that, but it's so fucking hard. I'm trying...........