I didn't envision that I'd be back so soon, but it's great to be back regardless. Since I've been gone, I've been doing a lot of thinking about myself and the world and all that other good stuff. And I realized that all this time I've been trying to find the meaning of life and reasons why certain things happen, when I should have been questioning my own values, what is important to me, and why.
I have also gained a greater hatred for mankind as a whole and complete lack of faith in our society.
Now, I don't want to get all controversial, but racism in America is the issue most prevalent in my mind these days. And not just racism alone, but how it relates to our perception of beauty; perfection, if you will. I hate the fact that my idea of beauty was decided for me. It is not my fault (or neither of our faults for that matter) that I am the way that I am. We are just doing what the media wants us to do. We are its puppets, and I can't fucking stand it anymore! I have been on this earth for 16 years, and for just as long, I've succumbed to the thought that I am not perfect enough and I am not pretty enough. ever. I want to change that, but it's so fucking hard. I'm trying...........
It is a super important step to move to considering your own values first. Seriously, you can never live up to societies standards and stay sane, but there is still the chance that you can live up to your own.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, racism makes it even harder to love yourself. Forever true.
Thank you for understanding. It really means a lot to know that there is someone out there that understands what is going on in my head. Especially since I haven't been able to talk to anyone about it. :D I'm trying really hard to stay sane, but most days I just end up breaking down in tears. I don't know what else I can do....
ReplyDeletexoxo Caro