ABC Diet... again

So, my first attempt at the ABC diet..... complete failure. I started again today, though. And I got these new fat burning pills, so hopefully they help with my awful stomach and side fat. I'm up to 9 pills a day now.... wow. How did it get to be that much?? It surely doesn't seem like a lot. I was good today. But, I must be better tomorrow. I'll probably see that guy I told you about who I've been crushing on for the longest time. I asked him out and he kinda sorta rejected me like I thought he would.... so, we'll see how that goes. I'll keep you posted. Wish me luck! :)

I Hate Life.

Not my life; just life in general. Cuz it sucks. I met a guy today. My age. But I'm interested in someone else and I want to ask him out sort of, but I'm really scared to....ughhh. I have no idea what to do because I'm a fat-ass bitch. And on top of all that, my whole family hates me. I hate coming home everyday because I know I'm not accepted here. There's definitely nothing I CAN do about that part. I guess I just have to live with it. It's just that every time I think that things will get better, they get 3 times worse. I have no relationship with my father because he hates me the most. Seriously, he comes home and doesn't even say hi to me. The only time he speaks to me is to yell at me to do something, or tell me to do something better. It's never a happy conversation with him. And my mom. OMG. She's so exasperating. Honestly, she needs to grow a fucking heart or something. So, incase you haven't caught on, my dog is the only one who understands me.

And I feel like no human being ever will

What's wrong with me?

Worst Weekend Ever

OMG. I started eating and I never stopped. I just got home from a weekend away with my parents and I feel like the ugliest, most disgusting thing that ever lived. I have no idea how to not eat while I'm with my entire family!!! And a lot of the times it's not like I have to keep saying no, I just don't want to make them suspicious (I did a very good job with that part). Ugh. I hate feeling like a failure. And lately, it's like I'm failing at EVERYTHING. I love the way I feel when I'm hungry; when I don't eat. Why can't I just control myself, or think of the best lie in the world to make them believe that I actually have eaten, or that I feel sick?

Whatever. Tomorrow's a new day, I guess. Take advantage of it?

First Post of the New Year!

So, I was going to post yesterday, but my computer was acting shitty. So here it is, my first post of 2011! I have a feeling this is going to be a good year! :) I stayed strong through most of the holiday break, binging here and there, but in the end I lost 2 lbs. Not as much as I wanted to lose, but it's something. I heard about the ABC diet, which I'm going to start on Monday. I know it's going to be tough, but I just hope I'll have the self control to stick to it and not give up after 2 days. I've been thinking that I should also start reading more. I got a new book for Christmas and maybe it'll get my mind off of counting calories and shit. Thinking about food 24/7 can be very stressful. I need a release. 

Thanks for listening <3