Saturday, December 18, 2010

Fuck...Well, Whatever.

Ok. So I was bored all day. I just stayed at home and slept practically the whole day. I woke up, had two packets of Emergen-C and two Tums, and then I ate a grapefruit in front of my sister as to not make her suspicious. I looked at other blogs for a while and then I went back to sleep until 5:30ish, at which time I had to get ready for a party. I was so nervous about how to control myself from eating at the party. But when I got there, it was no problem. I was fine for the first hour and a half. I sat next to the food table and stared at it and watched my friends stuff their faces. And then something came over me. I had a small chip with guacamole, and soon I was the one stuffing my face. I was so mad the rest of the party, but no one could tell. I guess I'm a pretty good liar/actor, but it really killed me inside. Before I went to the party, I stepped on the scale, and I had lost 3 pounds. But now I'm scared to weigh again because I'll be even more disappointed with myself than I already am. I was in the bathroom for a while at the party arguing with myself whether I should purge or not. But, still, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't think I ever will.

I hope all is well with everyone at this best time of the year. :D

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